I cannot think about it anymore
I cannot tell the story one more time
Because the only person I am desperate to make understand my pain is you
And you don’t care
You can say that you do
That it all meant something to you too
But it didn’t
I know it didn’t
Because if it did I would feel much differently about you
About me
About everything
If I had the chance to speak with you again
To see you face to face
I think I would crack under the pressure
I would tell you I missed you
I would say I want back what we had
I would wear my pink corduroy jacket that you complimented twice
I would weaken my will and end up at your house
I would wake up in your bed with the tight grip of regret in my chest that I would choose to ignore
I would kiss you goodbye and wait for your call
And just like the time before, it would never come
I would tell all of my friends…
Again
I would cry in my car…
Again
I would try to move on…
Again
I would write a poem and hope it healed me…
Again
And knowing all of this
I would do it anyway
I cannot articulate these feelings
I cannot articulate my thoughts
I have a mountain of resentment for you
A sky full of mixed emotions
And an ocean filled with misplaced love
How could our hearts be in such drastically different positions?
One willing to sacrifice everything for the other
One willing to leave without hesitation
Both spoke words of affection and adoration… only one sincerely
It’s been two months
How have you been?
Have I crossed your mind even once?
Have you wondered what I’m up to?
I get to think of you every time I wear my pink corduroy jacket
What a tragic nightmare
I love that jacket
The one you complimented twice
I can’t help thinking you didn’t like it enough to compliment it more than once
You just forgot you had seen it before
Because you didn’t remember important details
You didn’t push me, not because you were protecting me, but because you knew I’d run
And you were right
I thought I was safe
Maybe I meant nothing
Maybe to you I am worth nothing
Maybe my heart is too soft and I am too naive
But my pink corduroy jacket will serve as a lesson to me
Never share yourself with people who don’t intend to stay
Never share yourself at all
Love,
Side Chick
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